As lame and predictable as this sounds, at the end of a year, I can't help but reflect on all that happened over the past 12 months. Remembering the beginning of the year is somewhat of a stretch for my memory (I'm gettin' old aight?!?!) but I'll try to sum up 2009...
The year began with saying goodbye to my wonderful, beloved Grandma Wilma Buck. My only consolation in letting her go is that I know she is in Heaven with Jesus and is, quite honestly, experiencing greater things than she ever did on Earth. I had been fortunate enough in life that I had not yet lost any loved ones very close to me, so losing her had more of an impact on me than I was prepared for or expected.
This year we also experienced the harsh reality of our economy when the husband lost his job due to the company he was working for going under. Instead of stressing (well ok- minor stressing...), we lifted our prayers to God and asked him for guidance and provision, and like He always does, he came thru. The husband has since started his own marketing company and while we aren't making retirement plans, we are able to pay our bills and live a comfortable life (all while he is getting to do something he has always dreamed of- being his own boss and getting to use his skill set). I am immensely impressed by his daily fortitude, and while I know that the Lord sustains him, his faithfulness to our family can only be admired. I am so blessed to have such a husband.
I was also blessed to be the matron (Ugh- hate that word- could it sound ANY older!?!?) of honor for my dear friend (SISTER) Jessica Araujo. Getting to stand by her and see her make her wedding vows was truly an amazing experience, and I am truly honored that I was able to take part in it. God was glorified that day, and you can't ask for anything more than that.
We also acquired our second cat, meant to be a friend for our first cat, however first cat does not like new cat and they still continue to squabble (Six months later I still have hopes for reconciliation). I never thought I would own cats- I have always adored dogs- but these cats are my babies and I protect and love them fiercely. HAHA... I just had to laugh at myself... I just described my love for my CATS as FIERCE... easy dramatic!
If nothing else, the love for my cats awakened a maternal instinct in me that I thought would not come to exist for at least a few more years. I distinctly remember the summer day that Chris, the lead pastor at our church, asked us to speak on Sunday about what God was/meant to us. On that Sunday, I bared my soul to our church family about my desire for children. While tears fell freely and my voice uncontrollably shook, I shared the frustration of having to wait on God's timing, but also rejoicing in his strength and knowing that His plan is perfect. My view is like looking thru a telescope. I am zoomed in on one specific part of the night sky, and all I can see is that one star and I am captivated by its beauty. I have to remind myself that God sees my one star, but it is merly a small part of the vast canvas that is the universe. There is so much more than that one star waiting for us.
I have gone thru a bit of a growing period this year as well. I felt the very foundation of my life shaken and I was surprised to find that the aftershocks are harder to deal with than the original earth quake. This process was long and sometimes painful, but I feel like I have emerged from it a stronger and better person.
My love for my family and friends continues to grow daily. My appreciation for those close to me is unfathomable and I would do anything for them. There are a few I would like to specifically name.To Shanna: my dear friend who gave birth to her very own miracle in April this year. She has never wavered throughout our many years of friendship, and particularly loved me during a time when I simply felt unloveable. To Karen and Therese: You are two perfect puzzle pieces that I was missing in my life, and I am so grateful to have grown close to you. Thank you for sharing the woes and joys of this year with me. Our adventures inspire laughter and sometimes chaos, and I can only hope to make so many more memories with you girls... maybe just laughter tho... less chaos please! :) To Kayla: who gives tough love by playing devil's advocate, challenges me to think differently, never judges my actions, and faithfully loves my heart. To the Araujo family: how I would survive in Southern California with out you is a mystery me (and I'd like to not find out!). You all mean so much to me (Steve included!), that even in this moment, as I sit at my computer trying to sum up in words that could possibly describe how you have impacted my life, tears of love and gratitude well up in my eyes. Words simply elude me(I think that's nuff said). To my family and in-laws: the bonds and relationships that we share are unsurpassable and I am utterly convinced that I, do indeed, have the most incredible family. And lastly to my Boo: my rock, my comforter, my best friend, my eternal love. Life with you certainly has its challenges, but life with out you would be unbearable. You show me love like no other, and you allow me to know love in a way I never knew possible. Thank you for being a part of my life; I am blessed merely to know you, I am profoundly blessed to be married to you.
There is nothing left to say, but thanks for a great 2009, and cheers to 2010.
Happy New Year!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Christmas Joy
Each Christmas no matter the situation, we can give thanks for the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ.
"She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins..." Matthew 1:21
Without his birth we would truly be lost, and I can say with certainty that without him I would surely be hopeless and unhappy. He saved my life in the most real way, and has taken the ugly dirt that I was and formed me into a useful and beautiful creation. Thank you my Lord for taking me in when I was so wretched.
I know that all my friends who may read this do not believe the same as I do, and for that cannot possibly understand my love for my Savior and how he has changed me forever. But please feel free to ask questions and I will most happily answer anything and share with you what I mean. It is difficult to explain in the written word, but I hope that as I continue in this blog that more of my life is conveyed and that it will be a testimony of God.
Merry Christmas to you all. May God bless you and keep you, and may joy and peace descend upon all of your households.
"She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins..." Matthew 1:21
Without his birth we would truly be lost, and I can say with certainty that without him I would surely be hopeless and unhappy. He saved my life in the most real way, and has taken the ugly dirt that I was and formed me into a useful and beautiful creation. Thank you my Lord for taking me in when I was so wretched.
I know that all my friends who may read this do not believe the same as I do, and for that cannot possibly understand my love for my Savior and how he has changed me forever. But please feel free to ask questions and I will most happily answer anything and share with you what I mean. It is difficult to explain in the written word, but I hope that as I continue in this blog that more of my life is conveyed and that it will be a testimony of God.
Merry Christmas to you all. May God bless you and keep you, and may joy and peace descend upon all of your households.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Why do we hurt the ones we love?
This evening, or rather early early morning, I write with a heavy heart. One of my good friends is currently going thru a situation that I would rather not see her in. The situation itself is not particularly relevant, because playing the blame game in life gets you nowhere... at least no where productive. The only thing that blame is good for is to rhyme with same or name or tame or came or dame or lame or... man I never realized how many words rhyme with blame! Getting back to my point, blame merely establishes the "reason" why you should be mad at someone and at the same time excludes yourself from any responsibility; which I'm gonna venture a guess that 99% of the time you cannot completely nix yourself entirely of fault.
Getting back to my point- while talking with her I found myself searching for the answer of why is it that it seems we hurt the ones we love? And not just hurt them- but hurt them more powerfully than we do the ones we don't love. Obviously, I can only wholly speak for myself but I think that many of you will find that this rings true in your own life.
There are certainly some logical exaplanations of this:
1. We care the most about the ones we love and are therefore more opinionated when it comes to matters in their lives and decisions that they make. These strong opinions sometimes (often) ruffle feathers (to say the least) and create tension between the loved ones.
2. We spend more time with the ones we love thus creating more opportunities for something to happen that could cause a fight.
The kind of hurt that I am talking about transcends beyond these logical explanations. I am talking about malicious, thoughtless, disrespectful, and often unwarranted, actions. In our own mind, when we commit these careless acts, we feel justified, maybe even self-righteous, knowing that we have done nothing wrong.
So this sort of answers my question- we are angry- which someone once told me that anger is hurt, sadness, and fear, which when you break it down makes perfect sense. So we lash out because we are angry... so what?
I think this brings me to my next question- why, or are we, justified in the said acting out, which ends in the hurting of our loved one? Is it constructive? Does it help solve the problem? Does it make me feel better? While perusing my memory bank of instances where I am guilty as charged, I can honestly answer no to all the questions (well, maybe yes to the last one right in that moment). So when we know that this approach brings forth negative results, why do we pursue it?
I would say quite simply that it is because we lack the self control and wisdom. This is something that I am earnestly going to try and improve on.
While talking with my friend, my heart went out to her as she seemed so isolated and lonely, confused and frustrated, and apathetic and hopeless... and after contemplating these emotions, I think we can all agree that we feel some, if not all of them, after a loved one hurts us.
As my eye lids droop, I am not sure how to close this off. I want to say something profound but the only piece of advice that I can truly say is that when someone makes you angry, take the steps that you need to, to keep it from elevating. Sometimes it means temporarily and physically removing yourself from the situation; it may also mean that you say to yourself first what you were going to say to your loved one.
If I may just say this... make an honest effort to no longer maliciously hurt the ones you love. Time and life can be cruel and sometimes what we are left with, is the love of our friends.
Getting back to my point- while talking with her I found myself searching for the answer of why is it that it seems we hurt the ones we love? And not just hurt them- but hurt them more powerfully than we do the ones we don't love. Obviously, I can only wholly speak for myself but I think that many of you will find that this rings true in your own life.
There are certainly some logical exaplanations of this:
1. We care the most about the ones we love and are therefore more opinionated when it comes to matters in their lives and decisions that they make. These strong opinions sometimes (often) ruffle feathers (to say the least) and create tension between the loved ones.
2. We spend more time with the ones we love thus creating more opportunities for something to happen that could cause a fight.
The kind of hurt that I am talking about transcends beyond these logical explanations. I am talking about malicious, thoughtless, disrespectful, and often unwarranted, actions. In our own mind, when we commit these careless acts, we feel justified, maybe even self-righteous, knowing that we have done nothing wrong.
So this sort of answers my question- we are angry- which someone once told me that anger is hurt, sadness, and fear, which when you break it down makes perfect sense. So we lash out because we are angry... so what?
I think this brings me to my next question- why, or are we, justified in the said acting out, which ends in the hurting of our loved one? Is it constructive? Does it help solve the problem? Does it make me feel better? While perusing my memory bank of instances where I am guilty as charged, I can honestly answer no to all the questions (well, maybe yes to the last one right in that moment). So when we know that this approach brings forth negative results, why do we pursue it?
I would say quite simply that it is because we lack the self control and wisdom. This is something that I am earnestly going to try and improve on.
While talking with my friend, my heart went out to her as she seemed so isolated and lonely, confused and frustrated, and apathetic and hopeless... and after contemplating these emotions, I think we can all agree that we feel some, if not all of them, after a loved one hurts us.
As my eye lids droop, I am not sure how to close this off. I want to say something profound but the only piece of advice that I can truly say is that when someone makes you angry, take the steps that you need to, to keep it from elevating. Sometimes it means temporarily and physically removing yourself from the situation; it may also mean that you say to yourself first what you were going to say to your loved one.
If I may just say this... make an honest effort to no longer maliciously hurt the ones you love. Time and life can be cruel and sometimes what we are left with, is the love of our friends.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
raising life
I'm currently sitting in my oversized recliner, wrapped in a blanket, watching my favorite TV Show (FRIENDS!) when one of my cats, Jasmine, jumps up into my lap, cuddles down, and falls asleep. If you would have told me a few years ago that this would be happening I would have laughed in your face, seeing as I am not a cat person, and have never wanted to own one... I am now a proud owner of two cats. The first one, Elizabeth, we adopted when her owner unfortunately had some health problems and needed to go into assisted living. She was going to be put in a shelter and after I worked the puppy-dog eyes on the husband, he agreed to adopt her. Jasmine came along because we thought that maybe Elizabeth was lonely, so we went to the animal shelter and picked her out. Oddly enough, Lizzie didn't want a friend and six months later the cat's have now learned how to peacefully live with each other, but are far from friends. I love both cats very much and certainly more than I ever thought I was capable of.
And now as I watch her sleep peacefully in my lap, I think about how wonderful it is to care for another life and how much I love it. She is helpless and completely depends upon me and the husband's care for her quality of life. And as stupid as this sounds, I love her so much... and yes I realize she's just a cat people, but still... when you are caring for a life that is dependent on you, there is something about it.
It's no secret that I want to be a mom and seeing this precious kitty on my lap brings up maternal instincts in me. I hope and pray for children of my own soon... I feel so ready and pray that God is going to bless me with them soon.
And now as I watch her sleep peacefully in my lap, I think about how wonderful it is to care for another life and how much I love it. She is helpless and completely depends upon me and the husband's care for her quality of life. And as stupid as this sounds, I love her so much... and yes I realize she's just a cat people, but still... when you are caring for a life that is dependent on you, there is something about it.
It's no secret that I want to be a mom and seeing this precious kitty on my lap brings up maternal instincts in me. I hope and pray for children of my own soon... I feel so ready and pray that God is going to bless me with them soon.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Holidays Starting
Why hello there!
Just got back a little bit ago from the Mission Viejo Mall shopping for a pair of black skinny jeans- which thankfully- was successful. You know what I'm talking about girls... it is SO disappointing when you set out to buy something specific and then you are unable to find it. But today that was not the case.
I was expecting the mall to be in state of chaos considering the upcoming holiday, but it actually wasn't so terrible- I guess it's not close enough to Christmas yet for people to be in their frenzied state.
I love the holidays. Thanksgiving ranks with me slightly higher than Christmas just because it is more laid back and is just about friends, family, and FOOD! But despite how much I love Thanksgiving, what I feel when I see Christmas lights and decorations around the city is indescribable! It literally puts joy in my heart I love it so much.
It is interesting how the holidays can bring up many emotions. I find that mostly I am happy around the holidays, and am just so grateful and thankful for everything that I am so immensely blessed with. But there is also a note of nostalgia that accompanies this season that leaves me longing.
HEAR ME OUT
So happy with where my life is right now. I love the husband and am so lucky to have him and our friends. I love living in San Clemente; it has become home more than I ever thought it could be. I love my church and my job; pouring my heart and life into both. So read the next with knowing these facts.
Growing up being so close to my family was such a blessing, and as such has made daily life more difficult as we are now far from all our family members. It is primarily this reason that there is a void. Holidays with my family were, simply put, the best. I recently told my sister that our family placed the bar unnaturally high for how fun holidays should be because I now have this crazy high expectation. Holidays were filled with reminiscing, games, and laughing till we cried. Holidays were inside jokes, our extended family, and endless teasing (which I won't lie- sometimes caused fights- but mostly stomach wrenching laughter). Holidays were good food, going to the movies, and always room for dessert. Holidays were being surrounded by unconditional love, and while we often didn't see eye to eye, knowing at the end of the day, we will always have each other. For these reasons holidays will never be the same, and I cannot hope to recreate them.
I do look forward to creating my own memories with my own children one day, but I know that these past holidays will always be special to me and am so thankful to my family members for their love and friendship.
LUVS
Just got back a little bit ago from the Mission Viejo Mall shopping for a pair of black skinny jeans- which thankfully- was successful. You know what I'm talking about girls... it is SO disappointing when you set out to buy something specific and then you are unable to find it. But today that was not the case.
I was expecting the mall to be in state of chaos considering the upcoming holiday, but it actually wasn't so terrible- I guess it's not close enough to Christmas yet for people to be in their frenzied state.
I love the holidays. Thanksgiving ranks with me slightly higher than Christmas just because it is more laid back and is just about friends, family, and FOOD! But despite how much I love Thanksgiving, what I feel when I see Christmas lights and decorations around the city is indescribable! It literally puts joy in my heart I love it so much.
It is interesting how the holidays can bring up many emotions. I find that mostly I am happy around the holidays, and am just so grateful and thankful for everything that I am so immensely blessed with. But there is also a note of nostalgia that accompanies this season that leaves me longing.
HEAR ME OUT
So happy with where my life is right now. I love the husband and am so lucky to have him and our friends. I love living in San Clemente; it has become home more than I ever thought it could be. I love my church and my job; pouring my heart and life into both. So read the next with knowing these facts.
Growing up being so close to my family was such a blessing, and as such has made daily life more difficult as we are now far from all our family members. It is primarily this reason that there is a void. Holidays with my family were, simply put, the best. I recently told my sister that our family placed the bar unnaturally high for how fun holidays should be because I now have this crazy high expectation. Holidays were filled with reminiscing, games, and laughing till we cried. Holidays were inside jokes, our extended family, and endless teasing (which I won't lie- sometimes caused fights- but mostly stomach wrenching laughter). Holidays were good food, going to the movies, and always room for dessert. Holidays were being surrounded by unconditional love, and while we often didn't see eye to eye, knowing at the end of the day, we will always have each other. For these reasons holidays will never be the same, and I cannot hope to recreate them.
I do look forward to creating my own memories with my own children one day, but I know that these past holidays will always be special to me and am so thankful to my family members for their love and friendship.
LUVS
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
First!
Where to begin... the blank space intimidates yet excites me. I decided to start a blog at the urging of the husband as well as a few friends. Writing has been a passion of mine for a long time and only recently have I decided to pursue it more avidly. I expect that this blog will be an outlet in many ways, as the avenues I intend to write about will greatly differ from each other. At the end of the day, I hope that my daily (or nearly daily) postings will help bring light, encouragement, and laughter to other's lives.
It is not necessarily that I feel like I have an extraordinary amount of knowledge or insight to share, but I do feel like I communicate effectively, directly, and often comedically, through the written word... not to pat myself on the back too much.
So I guess I should share a bit about me currently... I live in San Clemente- a cozy beach city in Southern California. I moved here right after I got married about 3 and a half years ago from the Portland, Oregon area. And yes! It has been quite the transition moving from the Northwest to South Orange County... in some ways I feel like I've experienced a form of culture shock.
As I said earlier, I have been married for about 3 and 1/2 years, and am lucky enough to be married to my best friend. The husband is the best and he puts up with a lot... and I mean A LOT... I am a quirky, opinionated, stubborn handful and I know it. Currently no children but we do have two cats- which have become our little babies for now. We are actually more dog people (we want 2 dachshunds and a german shepherd) but the kitties (don't be fooled, they are cats, I just often reference full-grown animals as babies) needed a home so we adopted them.
I do administrative work for an aviation company in the legal department, which I am sure sounds like a yawn to most people BUT if you are type A and get a kick out of organizing, being extremely tedious about details, and learning about aircraft then it is actually really fun (really??? That's not most people? Well, I am sure it can't be just me...).
Well, I figure that's enough to absorb for one day. Talk to you later peeps!
Cheers
It is not necessarily that I feel like I have an extraordinary amount of knowledge or insight to share, but I do feel like I communicate effectively, directly, and often comedically, through the written word... not to pat myself on the back too much.
So I guess I should share a bit about me currently... I live in San Clemente- a cozy beach city in Southern California. I moved here right after I got married about 3 and a half years ago from the Portland, Oregon area. And yes! It has been quite the transition moving from the Northwest to South Orange County... in some ways I feel like I've experienced a form of culture shock.
As I said earlier, I have been married for about 3 and 1/2 years, and am lucky enough to be married to my best friend. The husband is the best and he puts up with a lot... and I mean A LOT... I am a quirky, opinionated, stubborn handful and I know it. Currently no children but we do have two cats- which have become our little babies for now. We are actually more dog people (we want 2 dachshunds and a german shepherd) but the kitties (don't be fooled, they are cats, I just often reference full-grown animals as babies) needed a home so we adopted them.
I do administrative work for an aviation company in the legal department, which I am sure sounds like a yawn to most people BUT if you are type A and get a kick out of organizing, being extremely tedious about details, and learning about aircraft then it is actually really fun (really??? That's not most people? Well, I am sure it can't be just me...).
Well, I figure that's enough to absorb for one day. Talk to you later peeps!
Cheers
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