Sometimes people are just really sucky... you know that? And while "sucky" may not even be an actual word, I surmise that it sums up how we feel about people in our lives occasionally.
I have decided that in high school, or perhaps even earlier, we should begin to teach courses on friendships or relationships in general. Instead of some of the useless information that we are forced to learn (i.e. when was the last time you referenced geometry or mitosis?) they should have some sort of relationship specialist teach what it means to be a friend. Perhaps then we would not have to put up with the douchebaggery of people (well, not to say we wouldn't have to to deal with it sometimes... unfortunately I do not think that the course would eliminate douche bags completely...I'm still working on that cure).
Back in my single days I read, "He's Just Not That Into You," and it absolutely changed the way that I viewed dating. I stopped wasting my time on stupid losers who didn't have the capacity to acknowledge my awesomeness (hahahaha) and was able to focus on the men that actually gave a damn. Basically what the book boils down to is that if the dude is really into you, then he will make the time for you, he will make sacrifices for you, and he will get past his baggage to be with you... so if the guy you are dating isn't cutting it, stop making excuses for him and cut him loose because there are other fish in the sea (Rihanna says it very well in "Raining Men"). This translates into friendship quite easily.
I am the queen of making excuses for people. A peacemaker to the core I readily gloss over conflict and easily forgive misgivings, swallowing my hurt and telling myself that they didn't really mean to wrong me. While this is not inherently a bad trait, it can be when perhaps the problem is more of a pattern and it is the same person causing the pain over and over again.
Maybe this is obvious to other people, but I recently stumbled (or rather sprinted into a brick wall...or at least that's what it felt like) upon a harsh reality. No matter how much you love someone, no matter how much you care for them and value their friendship, and no matter how much of a priority you make them in your life, you can't make them feel the same way. Glaringly evident, I'm sure, but I guess since I feel like I have recently experienced this, I am just really feeling and living in the hurt right now.
True friendship should always be reciprocal; one half equaling the other. There will be seasons where the scale may tip in one direction or another, but if you were to weigh it all out, it would be even. There are so many aspects to friendship, but to me, the top ranking aspects are:
1.)Unconditional love: I don't care wtf you've done or did, I love you for you and that's that.
2.) No judgment: we all make mistakes and I'm not gonna point a finger at you, but I am gonna get in the trenches with you and help you figure it out.
3.) Dealing with the drama: Obviously there is a limit here, but if someone that you consider a true friend has some drama going on, you deal with it... you are their friend so suck it up and deal with it.
4.) Doing crap you don't wanna do: whether it's falling on a "grenade", having an uncomfortable discussion after a fight, or having to deal with some drama (previously referenced) you do it because you love them and you take the good with the bad... don't be a selfish friend (it can't always be about you).
5.) Availability and Prioritizing: life is busy, we all know this, but when a friend needs a laugh, a hug, a listening ear, or just someone to sit with, you put your DVR on pause and you are there for them.
6.) Meet their needs: everyone has different needs (for example I need hugs and I need to be heard when I am upset) and sometimes this means you may have to do something that you don't want to do (see #4) but if you truly #1 them, you are willing to do what they need you to do. For example, one of my friends is quite insecure, and when they have a problem it involves dissecting every single aspect of every single conversation and analyzing to the full extent what each word and aspect ACTUALLY means. I find this quite painstaking and sometimes will inwardly grow impatient as we spend hour upon hour examining the issue, but I do it because it is what they need and how they handle it.
7.) Follow through and communicate: sometimes plans cave and sometimes there's a glitch in the system, but there should always be an honest effort to follow through on what you said you were going to do... don't be a flake... be reliable.
... ok... so starting a list was a bad choice because A) many of the bullets above overlap and repeat each other, and B) I could probably list off about 100 different aspects and not even be close to finishing what I started. But I hope that on some level you see where I am headed with this and you get what I am trying to convey.
Final Lesson of the Day: put your money where your mouth is people. If you don't mean it, don't say it. Words are just words without action behind them, and guess what? Without the action it just feels like lies, and really it is a lie because if you really meant what you said, then your actions would show it. I'm tired of hearing from people how much they love and care for me when their actions depict the opposite.
I'm not saying I'm blameless and have never been guilty of the pitfalls listed above, but friendship is a blessing, and we need to stop effing it up. Love your friends and treat them the way you want to be treated. Sometimes reality bites, but you should not be bitten by your friends (unless it's playful).
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