Honesty...really

On Thanksgiving (which btw was AWESOME!) whilst having a particularly... ummm... brutal conversation, I exclaimed, "That's mean!" The response I received, was merely, "No, it's honest, and honesty is the best policy. Isn't it?" I agreed, while making several amendments in my head, as I tend to be quite open and honest about things that I am thinking and feeling... but then that begs the question... is honesty ALWAYS the best policy?

I don't think that anyone would disagree that honesty is a valued quality in a person. But in relationships, whether it be a friendship, a significant other, a family member, a coworker, there are certain situations where baring all, so to speak, can be tricky. I think that the key is normally handling honesty with a bit of tact (or a LOT of tact).

I think where I struggle with honesty is that sometimes just because it is honest, doesn't mean that it should be shared. There are many things that go thru my head and I try to filter myself as best as possible (I know, I know... my filter has very large holes). I have the hardest time holding my tongue if I feel like my toes have been stepped on, or my feelings have been hurt... or if I am mad... or if I am frustrated... or if I am confused... ok... so there are a myriad of situations where this may apply, but the same principle applies to each situation. There is a vulnerability in being honest, and some people are not to be trusted with our deepest emotions. I have learned this throughout the years having some of my most intimate convictions be tread on and thrown to the metaphorical wolves.

Maybe it is a girl thing, or maybe a personality thing (please someone tell me that they are like this too!), but when I am feeling hurt, I want to get EVERYTHING out of my system. It's like word vomit (thanks, Mean Girls), whether I like it or not, it's coming out. But now I try to be better about who I word vomit to... a trusted friend (puzzle pieces unite!) is often mine. She is my voice of reason and I can tell her anything. She sees the ugliest parts of my heart, but she doesn't judge, instead she loves and accepts me as a whole. She hears it all tho, and it allows me that outlet without having to vent directly to the person responsible (or who I feel is responsible) for how I feel.

Regrettably, I know that my big mouth (still working on that finer filter), in an effort to be honest, has hurt many and I have to live with that. All I can do is continue to walk that tightrope, trying to be honest, but not hurt myself or others in the process.

Clear as mud, eh?