Remember that part in the beginning of Cliffhanger where Stallone is going across that rope in the mountains and the girl falls? He is just holding her hand, her only chance of survival, her one lifeline ... and then of course he drops her...
My Angels would never let me fall.
Last night my blog started like this...
"To say that I am not doing so hot would be an understatement. My heart aches for so many reasons, and there are times when every breath feels like work. I look in the mirror and I wonder where that girl went... the girl who was so happy and carefree... the girl who was the first to laugh and the last to stop... the girl who could find reason and a silver-lining in all situations. She has apparently taken a hiatus of some sort, because the girl who stares back at me is not even a shadow of who I normally am.
The girl in the mirror looks sad, empty and desolate. I feel like I have been "jack o' lanterned" (yes, I just made that a verb), hollowed out and scooped dry (and with no toasted pumpkin seeds to look forward to!). I stick my tongue out at this girl (of course, she does it back) to show my distaste for her."
After typing that I sat staring at the screen not knowing how to proceed, and unwilling to reveal the darkest parts of my heart. Tears threatened my eyes and I blinked them back furiously. Not that the people I was with would have cared, in fact, they may have been relieved that at least I am allowing them to see partly through the shroud which has surrounded me for the last two weeks. But instead, I slide into an easy joking manner and we enjoy our favorite reality TV show.
Normally, this is why I love coming over Sunday nights; I LOVE the company, I love the show, and we laugh at (watermelon to the FACE!) and playfully berate the various teams. But tonight I have come for a deeper reason; I need to see my Angels. They are not yet home (they are actually at church, worshiping God as good Angels do) and I feel like if I don't see them soon that my heart will physically break into pieces.
Then they get home.
It's quite onerous to describe how I felt when I saw them without being completely cheeseball about it. But I guess it is what it is (something I have been saying a lot lately) and feel free to judge me all you want. :P
It was a physical release. Like a tight cord that had been binding me suddenly burst and I was free again. I gave them both hugs and already in my heart I knew that I was going to be ok. We didn't begin talking right away, but the amount of ease that I already felt was powerful. We began talking (after the Mother/Daughter team got voted off), and as I shared the gritty, nastiness of where I am right now, they were able to share wisdom, compassion, healing, and grace upon my tattered soul.
When I had arrived I felt frail, powerless, and hopeless. I left feeling faithful, committed, and strong; determination and hard resolve had arrived.
I share this for many reasons. (A) to be real about where I am at with ya'll, (B) to honor my precious friends whom I will never be able to thank enough, and (C) to encourage all of you who probably play the role of angels in your friends lives.
If you were to ask my beloved Angels what makes them so special, they would probably shrug and say, "Nothing." And therein lies the secret. My friends feel like they were merely being there for me, holding my hand and pulling me out of the proverbial mud. They don't realize that on some level they have saved my life.
I hope that as you have read this, you have thought of your own angels, and I hope that you reach out to them and let them know how they have touched your life. And on the flip side, I hope that you realize that you may very well be someone's angel and that when a time of need comes, you won't hesitate, but you will step in and be the friend that they need you to be.
My friends ( you know who you are!), I pray that God would bless you immensely. I pray this every day anyway, but as I reflect upon the gift that you gave me last night, it brings tears of gratitude to my eyes. There are not words to convey what you mean to me, and I know that knowing you has irreversibly transformed my life forever. You are part of my heart, and I love you both so dearly.
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