It is approximately 10 am as I begin to write this and if
all goes according to my plan then I will be done with my marathon this time
tomorrow. I take a drink of my coffee and then deeply exhale as relief washes
over me that this will soon be over.
The journey to get here has been exhausting, both mentally
and physically. There has certainly been athletic growth that has taken place; I’m
no elite runner by any means, but I am faster than I have ever been and I am proud
of that. There has also been a lot of mental and emotional growth for me
throughout this process.
Qualifying for
Boston
was one of those dreams that you say without really thinking… or you say it and
hope that no one hears you or remembers that you said it. For me it has always
been an intangible dream that I never really thought that I could accomplish. I
am often crippled by my less than average self esteem and because of it I am
constantly held back. I have these moments of self confidence and then my
doubts and insecurities creep up on me and devour those fleeting thoughts
before I can really grasp them as truth.
Right now, in these final hours of preparation, I believe in
my heavenly Father, who I know gave me the ability to do this, I believe in my
friend’s judgment that I am capable of completing this, and I believe in my
training. I trained hard. Yes, there were things I could have done much better,
but I believe that I am properly trained to undergo this task. So tomorrow
morning, when I am at mile 22 and hitting that wall, I will be able to rest
(metaphorically speaking) in these beliefs and will know that I can do it.
If I don’t qualify, I will be disappointed… I think that’s
normal and that anyone would be. However, for me at this point it’s about the
journey… I have never pushed myself so hard to accomplish something, and at the
end of the day it doesn’t really matter, because even if right now it’s just a
small voice, there is a whisper in my heart that says, “I can do it.”
Normally I don’t name people by their real names in the blog
but today I am going to. These people have stuck by me thru training sessions,
thru tears, thru gripes and complaints and have offered countless words of
advice, support, and encouragement over this time. Ryan and Jeremy: my coaches
who always believe in me and push me well beyond my limits, but more
importantly they are also my dear friends who patiently listened about my fears
and concerns and helped me see past them. Shanna, Brandon, Emily, Heidi, and
Christine: my cheer squad… you all have been soooo supportive and I knew just
where to go whenever I needed a pick me up! I count you all as some of my
closest friends and I love you so much! Adam and Chuck: my brothers from
another mother… I couldn’t have done this without you guys and am so thankful
that you’ll both be there on race day to root me on. I love you guys!!! There
have been so many other friends who have rooted me on but listing EVERYONE
would take forever, but your encouragement is not overlooked and I am very
thankful for every single person.
Well… wish me luck… here goes nothing…
Just Breathe
Great job Hollie!! You are a rockstar!
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