I've been wanting to write for awhile but was either A) Busy, B) Procrastinating, or C) Avoiding. I could blame it on the first two but the truth lies closer to option C. My walls have been up and fortified lately and writing brings it all down; allowing me to feel a little more than I am comfortable with right now. I am quite good at compartmentalizing (or as a friend recently informed me, it's actually called "repression"...thanks psych101) and am able to function and live my life as I enjoy it to be. Well, I think the walls need to come down, but I'm just not sure what brick to bring down first.
In deciding to put on my big girl pants on this late night... well early morning, I ponder what to share. I find that lately it's difficult for me to open up at all and I cocoon myself in a shell of sarcasm and an arsenal of "I'm fine". To those of you who have cracked the exterior, I must give you props. To those of you who haven't, please don't take it personal and know that it is not intentional. I think that lately I am hurting on so many levels and in so many different areas of my life that it is easier to just go numb than to feel it all.
Blah... sorry folks... that's all I can give tonight. I wish I wasn't such a coward, and I wish that I wasn't so weak... but I am. I really am ok... but I do need your prayers... so if you pray... shoot one up for me.
That's my one brick I guess...
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