The truth is I have no doubt that I will finish, and if
finishing was my only goal then I would happily run the race tomorrow.
Qualifying for the Boston is an ambitious goal and I’m not entirely sure that I
prepped properly for it. While I took my training seriously, I found myself
easily side-tracked and swapping runs for other types of workouts. Running has become an inane chore that I
cannot wait to be free of for quite some time.
The stress and pressure of qualifying weigh heavily on me,
and being a perfectionist to the core, my drive to not fail is both motivating
and crippling. It is motivating because on the days where I just want to quit
the mantra, “Champions don’t quit,” plays repeatedly in my mind. However, the
stress cripples me greatly as it affects my sleep, my eating, and my energy
levels. I feel like my mind is self-sabotaging itself and as the will to
succeed and the fear of failure battle, my resolve is weakened. The ability to succeed lies heavily ones belief in themselves and their capabilities. Unfortunately I am greatly lacking in this… my confidence in myself is limited and my self-esteem has suffered greatly for many years. So while I am typically I very positive and strong person, when it comes to doubting myself and my capacity to perform and do things well, it is too easy for me to say, “I’m not good enough.”
A good friend, may he rest in peace, told me a long time ago
that I had lion eyes; it was one of the first things he said to me upon our
meeting. After getting to know me a bit more, he told me, “You don’t just have
lion eyes… you have the heart of a lion… you’re basically a lioness.” I just
laughed, but on the inside, loved the thought of being compared to such a
magnificent creature.
I have had others say similar things to me since, and I have
realized that until I have the faith in myself that others do, I need to make
my best effort to see myself the way that others see me… like a lion. 
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