I started running when I was 16
and, while yes, there are days that I hate it and every step is a challenge,
most days my run is where I find solace, peace, strength, and courage. It’s
where my greatest competitor is my mind, and the battle is between my body and
my will. The road never judges me, and with every stride I feel stress and
tension leaving my body. Once I find
that cadence, my stride flows naturally with the thrumming bass and my mind
wanders. I fell in love with running and the freedom that I feel from it.
I started doing 5 and 10k races
recreationally but it wasn’t until a friend was going to do a marathon that I
realized how badly I wanted to do it. In 2005 I began to train but before I
signed up I injured my knee slightly and decided that it was not the right
time. Then in 2007 another friend urged me to run the San Diego Rock n’ Roll
Marathon with her and I decided to do it. I completed the marathon in around 5
hours and tho my body ached all over, I knew that I couldn’t wait to do another
one.
The Boston Marathon is a landmark
for competitive runners and it wasn’t long after I completed my marathon that I
had my sights set on qualifying for the race. Timing and personal reasons
pushed off the race again and again, and finally I decided that 2012 was the year
that I would aim to qualify. How the Boston Marathon works is that there are
certain races which serve as qualifiers, so if you complete the qualifying race
in a certain time for your age and gender bracket then you are allowed to sign
up for Boston.
This may sound silly, but it’s
not so much important to me to actually RUN in the Boston but to say that I
could sign up if I wanted to would be a huge accomplishment. My qualifying race
is on June 3rd and I have a goal time of finishing in 3 ½ hours;
that’s maintaining about an 8 minute mile for 26.2 miles.
My training schedule is arduous
and when I’m not working or sleeping, chances are I am in the gym. My progress
is slow but it has been improving and I feel confident that if I remain
disciplined that I will achieve my goal.
A little over a week ago I did
not feel that way. I realized that I had been slacking off perpetually in my
training, making excuses and just not pushing myself do to well. A friend asked
me why I wasn’t hitting it as hard as I should be, and I realized that it was
because I was afraid of failing. My strange mentality was that if I didn’t
train as hard and then didn’t qualify I could say that it wasn’t my best effort
and therein have an excuse for not reaching my goal. I felt like such a coward
when I realized this, but have made the mental shift that I am going to give it
my all, and if I train my hardest and still don’t qualify, then at least I
tried. Reaching for your dreams can be intimidating, but you will never achieve
them if you don’t reach for them.
I have since wondered how much of
this mentality leaks into my everyday life… how afraid of failing am I? Is it
keeping me from my hopes and dreams? Fear can stifle your life and cause you to
take the easy road, which may feel good at the time, but how less fulfilled
then is your life? How much are you missing out on?
My friend later sent me
this quote by Beverly Sills: “You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are
doomed if you don’t try.”
Being doomed is not on the menu,
in any area of my life. Don’t let it be on yours either.
